March 27, 2009
Ok. enough. stop.
I really appreciate people being concerned enough about me to help me think about my future. Even though they may not have voiced it out. Some of those who had are my dad, my dad, my dad and a few others.It's just that... Hullo?!?! Does anyone know anyone who knows anything about existentialism???
Sometimes, feel like telling everyone who asked me if I've thought about my future, "I don't fucking believe in a future. I only have thoughts of the present. Have you fucking thought about the present???"
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:05
0 visitor(s) passed by
March 26, 2009
recurrences
Weddings, babies, weddings again, babies again, more weddings, more babies...Attend the weddingssss. Lapse. Go for the babies full month partiesss. Lapse. Attend the weddings again... Soon, more babies full month parties...
This is how life around me happens.
All babies look the same. After awhile, even all brides look the same.
The human must be the only specie to perpetually go down the same path, yet always craving to be different.
We all want to be different but yet mostly, end up doing the same thing. I'm speaking for myself too.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:35
1 visitor(s) passed by
March 23, 2009
On this incredibly hot day
How often, and to what extent, do you change your impression of someone you know? Do we ever have any idea to what kind of impression we give to others, honestly? I mean, people tell you this and that, but what about those that they don't say, don't tell you? Will you get to find out in time?What if someone likes you but you don't think his knowing you is quite the same as who you think yourself are? What if it's all a big mistake and just another gross misunderstanding in life?
What if - this is worse - you are actually not who you thought you are and everybody else's image of you is really more you than you thought?
Does it even matter to know who you are, after awhile? Does it even matter if people know? I mean, this sort of thing, it keeps changing. Doesn't it?
I just try not to think about it. As always. Whatever I can't figure out, I try not to think about it and if that doesn't help, I make a decision not to think about it by finding other things to think about. Distractions. I learnt that somewhere along.
TV is great distraction. My stupid 6ft Under DVD keeps jamming in my CD drive. I don't know what it wants. Damn it. I watched 2 episodes of Grey's Anatomy instead.
What is the anatomy of loving someone?
One of the most painful things in life is to experience how farking slowly time passes while you are still not ready to make a decision to move along. And how fast it passes when you still need more time to consider your options, even if they are all good ones.
I don't consider myself as an indecisive person on most matters. And once I made a decision, I usually don't back out easily. In that regard, I think I'm a consistent and reliable person.
Watching TV sometimes lets you put things into perspective better. It distracts you, disengages you away from that bottled up feeling and draws you into another world, another perspective, the director's, the storyteller's world. And when you come back to your own, inevitably, it makes that bottled up feeling less bottled up.
So that, if you think about it again, it's like, "ahhh... the fuck with it!"
We should not over-rate the things that occur in life, especially those that recur. At some point in time, we got to learn that nothing is really just your own choice. A choice is a decision based on an interplay of factors at a given point in time. They all change, all the time. You accept that or you don't belong.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 15:04
1 visitor(s) passed by
March 16, 2009
sensor-lunatic
I am an anti-autoflush+autotap person.The former because
1. stupid autoflush always attempts to wash my buttcheeks, unasked for
2. it does number one when I'm still half-finished
3. it does number one and two at least twice in the few minutes I'm using the damn toilet.
4. it not only it a stupid function, it's also a very wasteful function, flushing at least twice every visit!
The latter because
1. stupid autotap has delayed reaction when I want to start washing my hands and over reaction when I've not finished washing my hands; it starts too slow and stops too fast. Damnit!
Seriously, talk about saving water! I don't know why more and more public toilets are using these auto sensor flush n taps. It's not even convenient to begin with! How many times have you stood up, waving your hand in front of the sensor when it didn't flush when it should? How many times have you adjusted your hand position under the tap, so that you can have a constant flow of tap water to wash off the soap?
What's wrong with the Push-to-Flush button and the fauceted tap??? I want these back in public toilets!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 21:55
4 visitor(s) passed by
as for being existent...
"The existence of human is an overly rated phenomenon." ~ Doc Manhattan, Watchmen."The realization that sometimes, it is possible - even necessary - to entertain contradictory ideas; to accept the truth of two things that flatly contradict each other. ... this is one of the fundamental conditions of our existence." ~ Jonathan Coe, The Rain Before It Falls.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 21:50
0 visitor(s) passed by
March 10, 2009
butterfly's shadow
Saw Apple on msn today, chatted quite a bit with her. On weddings, HDB flat application, marriage, the economics of a marriage, money and career.She was supposed to be busy with her work. Instead, I believe I kept her busy on msn. Anyhow, she would have still looked busy to her co-workers and boss. heh heh
Talking to her made me see plenty of options, in terms of reorganising my finances. I think that's why she is an accountant and one of my best friends.
Sometimes, I feel that I'm wasting time, like I sometimes think I have been for the past 3 years. But to regain a more objective point of view, that's not all true too. Admittedly, I made choices that went against much of the common sense expected from a Singaporean university graduate. Instead of settling into a career, obtaining a permanent and stable sort of income that incremented every year, I went into reverse gear, more than once. I opted for a lifestyle that deviates from the mainstream. Aside from that to join MOE, every 'career' decision I made was based on my perceived balance between ideals and reality, work and fun, needs and wants. The end of the equation is always a delicate balance, usually at the expense of some sort of monetary stability.
Is stability boring for me? I don't think so. But I do think that my need for stability, particularly of the monetary sort, is lower than most people I know. I like to think that it's because I'm low-maintenance and I'm terribly frugal, and can be made contented with the simpler and cheaper things in life. In other words, I'm a very comfort-able person.
Everytime I feel like I'm just wasting time, being a lowly tuition teacher, wasting time doing things that a lot of my peers have gotten too busy to do, I try to remember what Gandalf said to Frodo - "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world..."
I want to plan. But the choices I made and the ones I hope to make sometimes, make a plan as fleeting as the shadow of a butterfly in the coming of spring.
That, could be the story of this blogskin.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 12:12
0 visitor(s) passed by
March 07, 2009
Rhetorics
em: Dear, why are you so cute?me: Why are you so blind?
em: ...
me: I think these are the questions that we will never have an answer to. I hope many, many years later, we will still ask each other these questions and not have an answer.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:36
1 visitor(s) passed by
Deng deng deng deng...
Congrats Zie and Ameer!The start of a new chapter! Hang on tight in this journey!
Happy marriage!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:27
0 visitor(s) passed by
Elvenstar
The V-day pressie that Emman gave me.
This man is a fast learner in knowing what makes me happy.
I am so freaking proud of it! And him... hehe...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:22
0 visitor(s) passed by
March 06, 2009
Just for laughs
Riddle: What is the first word a test-tube baby says to his father?Ans: Wanker.
We were at Dymocks Bookstore at the IFC in HK. Just getting some food for thought after a few days of imitation bags and H&M. Came across this little book of dirty jokes and I browsed. The above riddle just got stuck in my mind since then. Hilarious and accurately contextualised. That's what I call a good joke. I still giggle thinking of it sometimes when I'm alone. Hopefully by sharing here, it will go away in my mind. heh heh
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 12:47
0 visitor(s) passed by
some melancholia
In the span of your life, how many people have you known? How many of those people became friends? How many of those friends became good friends you keep in contact with regularly? How many of those good friends became friends you can really count on when you need a comforting hug?How many acquaintances became strangers you wouldn't greet on the streets? How many of them became shadows through the wash of time gone?
Still, there are some of them who have faded away in your life but whose touch upon it will always be borne by you.
xxx
I saw the photos of this group of people whom I know and who in the time that we worked together, were considered to be the people I hang out with.
Looking at the photos, it felt as if time didn't pass by them as it had me. I could still recognise all of them, perhaps even imagine the kind of conversation that they likely had. To some extent, I could even picture myself seated among them, contributing my sceptical 2cents worth to whatever the flow of the discussion was. As used to be usual.
But, no. That of course, did not happen. Instead, from somewhere rose a feeling of melancholia and perhaps, even sadness. I felt excluded. To be objective, it's strange that I should feel this way, especially since these were merely people I hung out with when we worked together, my ex-colleagues. Not even my friends, if you catch my drift. Perhaps it's because of the nature of the work that we were at, I've always felt the people from that period of my life belong to an exclusive group of acquaintances. There are certain things that, I feel, can only be shared with them and they would understand perfectly. Not just understand. They, I am confident, would be able to emphatize instinctively. Hence, seeing these people in photos, together, I felt excluded from this circle which I imagine to be an exclusive one.
Don't get me wrong, however. I haven't walked away without keeping some invaluable friendships with some of the people in this circle. In fact, I can really appreciate that we've been keeping in contact on a regular basis. When we meet, we still talk about what's closest to our hearts and sometimes, the last few years haven't seemed to have passed too.
xxx
We all know in the passage of life, there will be plenty walking in and many walking out. Of those who walked in, it will take effort from both sides and in many ways to make stay. Mostly, we make our choices. Yet, sometimes, we won't need to choose, as the current of time, the juggle of priorities and the change inherent in all of us will decide for us.
Even out of the choices that we make, we can't make stay the ones that are not meant to stay.
Do you think life is about the choices we make? Or about the choices that we can't get to make?
After awhile, I believe, it doesn't really matter. I can make choices in my life, but it's beyond me to make ironies in life. The best choice to make is probably to be fully aware that somewhere, in some time, an irony is waiting to be unleashed.
Life is short. Have fun, and stay around for the next joke.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:53
0 visitor(s) passed by
March 05, 2009
Make. Not break.
Our first overseas holiday together. We each found the part we liked best about the trip. They turned out to be the things that we can do in Singapore too. So, it's not really about going on a holiday. It's about being together. But yes, taking vacation is the icing on the cake. You never know what you can find out about each other. It's also about trust, patience and taking it easy.It was not so important for me to have my dessert. Yet, it showed how important I am to someone. It was not so easy to be the navigator in a foreign land. Yet, it showed how wonderful it is to have someone to rely on. It was not always convenient to do the translation (for food items). Yet, it showed how much trust you can put in someone. It was not always easy to feel secure. Yet, it showed how much a firm holding of hands and a smile can communicate.
New confessions, new acronyms; some wife biscuits, some jokes; many bags of H&M!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:53
0 visitor(s) passed by
It's aunty jancy to
Dylan Tok,son of Jason and Adeline
&
Nathaniel Tan
son of Shameless Snow and Fiona
Daddys, Mummys and Babies! All in!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:50
0 visitor(s) passed by
Notes from Hong Kong
Losing respect.For people who carry branded bags. Prada, Gucci, LV, D&G, Coach, Hermes... You name it, the HK Ladies Night Market has it. Never mind if yours is a genuine one from the boutique, for which you paid through your nose. The imitation is well, very genuine too. AA1 Grade, they call it. As far as imitation bags go, these are not cheap. But, compared to their authentic partners, seriously, these are just peanuts.
I didn't buy any because I'm really not into brands. By my standard, I will be quite pained to spend more than 40 SGD on a bag. My old EDC bag cost me $60 and that was after 2 times of serious loitering in Esprit, contemplating if 60bucks spread over a min 2 years useful life is a justifiable purchase. I still have it in my cupboard. Aside from a little fraying straps, it's in pretty use-able condition. As for my obviously fake Kate Spade bag... honestly, when I bought it in Shanghai, I didn't even know Kate Spade was a brand. I thought it's just some name they have to give to a nice, colourful bag (which was the reason why I liked it). It cost me less than 20, I believe.
28 hours in a day.
Is absolutely possible. If you live in Kowloon, Hong Kong. These people, I don't know what they eat when they were babies, but they practically start their day 2 hours earlier than us, and end their day 2 hours later than us.
Shopping leisurely at 11.30pm? No problem! Having dinner at 9.30pm? No problem! Supper at 11pm? No problem!
That's one of the reasons why Hong Kong remains my favourite city. Truly, the city that never sleeps.
The perfect cold.
Throughout the first day, I had to endure criticisms on Singapore's weather. Because, the weather in HK (at least, when we were there) was really puurfect. A little misty, but hey! Mist is better than humidity.
Live to eat.
Found: Best Scrambled Egg in the Universe (yet)
Found: Best Wanton Mee in the Universe (yet)
Found: Best Ting Zhai Zhor Congee in the Universe (yet)
Found: Best Black Sesame Seed Glutinous Riceball in the Universe (yet)